choreography

On Wednesday, God brought a woman into our LifeGroup that was an encouragement, was able to provide key information and contacts I need, and was just a wonderful new friend and resource. Then a guest post on my pastor's blog gave me just the right framework to really get my boys excited even more about this adventure God has called us on. Then tonight, as a friend's going-away party we met another lady who is also all of those same things the first woman was (plus she's neck deep in fostering too). At every turn it seems God keeps bringing people across our path and even reconnecting us with people we already knew that are joining the story of this rescue we've stumbled into.

A lifetime ago, I was a dancer. People who know me today probably can't imagine me with pointe shoes on let alone tap shoes. What's weird though is that I'm not at all the kind of person to enjoy just dancing at a party or with my husband or anything at all un-choreographed. I would dance on a stage in front of any size audience as long as I already knew the steps.

And that's how I've lived for a long time. Dancing only the steps I already knew. Staying in my own circles. But now, the music keeps beckoning me to just dance without knowing what comes next. And it has been wonderful. But even in the swirling dizziness of it all, I keep noticing little patterns and rhythms in it. I am starting to realize that I am dancing a waltz that was choreographed long before I ever put on my first ballet shoes. It isn't just aimless and accidental. It is what I was made to do. It's what all the hours (or years in my case) of warming up at the barre has been preparing me for.

So what about you. Are you dancing with Him? What is your dance like right now?

the power of forgiveness

Only one thing is more powerful than the destructive force of bitterness. And that is the cleansing force of forgiveness. I don't know how God made it possible for people who are victims of horrible abuse and mistreatment to be able to forgive. But I am thankful that Jesus made a way. Do you really think about the amazing gift that we were given when we were forgiven? I don't. Not very often anyway.

We spent a lot of time this weekend coming to terms with a world so lost and broken that it would hurt innocent little children. But God made a way for us to overcome it. But the road is the way of forgiveness not bitterness. 

shame

Have you ever experienced shame? I mean, not just momentary situational embarrassment, but looming humiliating shame? God showed me a tiny glimpse of it in a way I didn't expect.

So I've written about have two foster daughters. Along with the girls come a mound of paperwork. But one set of forms ended up with me receiving the WIC vouchers that they qualify for. I thought that sounded great at first. I mean, it's a whole new bizarre thing I'd never dealt with before. The first time I took them into our grocery store, a young woman patiently explained how to use them. I had the girls with me and we talked a bit too about them. No big whoop. The next time the checker was a woman who mentioned that it had been seven years since she had to deal with WIC (meaning personally). I couldn't help but notice her very rotten front teeth, probably from drug use or just years of poverty. But then today, I went without the girls. The checker was an older man and he sort of took his time ringing the stuff up. Two men waited patiently behind me in line. A woman told them there was no waiting in another lane, and I found myself secretly wishing they would move on. I realized I was ashamed of being seen as using the WIC vouchers.

All the way home God talked to me about shame. The kind of shame I've honestly never lived with. I mean, I've had some things I wished no one would ever find out or things that I wish I could take back, but I thought for a moment what it would be like to be that checker who had all her teeth rotten only a few years out from depending on public assistance knowing that someone was judging her past every time she opened her mouth. What about my foster kids' mom who has to admit she got her kids taken away from her? What about all of the people living in the darkness of a past they can't get away from? Those people are all around us. Or they may be us at times. And it just broke my heart to think how oblivious I am to it most of the time.

This is the song that I pray for those who are living in shame. Our God is able. His grace is more than enough to shatter the darkness that holds people prisoner of their own sin and shame. His mercy is able to heal the broken hearts of those who are living in the shame of someone else's sin they were a victim of. He can break addictions. He can restore relationships. He can clean the deepest stains.

Guest Post on Swerve

Hey go over and comment on my pastor's blog today. I got to write a guest post so I wrote about something I've been wrestling through here for the past year.

better

When we first got our foster kids in December, even though we'd been warned about being overly idealistic and told all the horror stories, I have to admit I was secretly optimistic. I held this naive hope that somehow this time would be different. That we'd be able to build a relationship with their mom and lead her to Christ and get her life on track serving God and send them off to a godly home. I knew that was against all odds, but since my hope is in Christ and not in those odds anyway, I kept praying for that outcome.

Today we took our foster kids' mom to church with us at the campus that is closest to her house. She happily went with us as we checked her girls into their LifeKIDS rooms (neither one cried thank you Jesus). She accepted a Krispy Kreme and coffee. She sang along during the singing part. She filled in the visitor card when they said to. She listened and took notes during the message. She scraped together her change and money and gave "her tithe." She raised her hand and prayed along as the Campus Pastor led a prayer of salvation. She checked the box on her communication card for "recommitting her life to Christ." She picked up a What's Next Kit. She prayed with the volunteer that handed those out. She talked to the small groups pastor about getting into a women's group. We picked up the kids. We took her to lunch at McDonald's (thank God for indoor playgrounds) and took her back home. I just got off the phone with her because she called to see how they did and we talked all about the message and how much it spoke to her (We "Talked It Over" actually). She had already watched the DVD that came with her new Bible. She expressed her gratitude and receptiveness to us being a part of her life even after she gets her kids back. We now have a standing arrangement for every Sunday morning to repeat the whole thing again. So, naive? Maybe. But I'll take that any day of the week.

So now I guess I better explain the title. Pastor Craig said the word better about a hundred times. Because he was basically trying to make the point that we really don't live like we believe what God has for our lives is better than what the world has to offer. At one point he said, "Some of you are questioning, 'I'm not sure about all that.' But you are the ones who have never tried it. Those who have tried it know that it is better."

I'm here to testify that living life God's way is better. I few months ago, it would be hard to imagine that anything besides spending my Sundays in my pajamas with the only stress of the day being grocery shopping. I mean, that's why we go to church on Saturday evenings, so we don't have to do anything on Sundays. But getting up early, leaving two kids with a sitter, and schlepping two foster kids across town to spend all morning with their mom is better. It certainly doesn't add up on paper. But I know it for a fact. It is better.
Better. Better. Better...

This song, The Desert Song by Hillsong, was one of the songs to today's worship set. It WAY spoke to me and I had never heard it before. It ended like this:

"This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and Providence flow.
I know I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I receive I will sow."


I pray that God will give you the courage and strength to turn your back on the world and pour your life out as an offering to Him. We're not there yet. Sometimes we feel tired and weary and discouraged. But even so, it is better. 

The Day After

So let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed lunch and dinner today. But let's also be clear that I paid for it (if you know what I mean!). I'm not exactly sick per se but my body just didn't know what hit it. It was also funny to come to the realization that although I missed the feeling of being full, I realized that honestly, it's not really a pleasant feeling.

Anyway, I'm going to continue with no sweets, no drinks but water and juice, and no meat. I consider that to be a pretty fair modernization of the fast Daniel did in chapter 10. I'm going through 37 days as a tithe of my year which a friend at work challenged me to do.

Thanks for the fun. Let's do it again sometime. Say, in 2011?

God is so good to me...

But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.
Psalm 73:28 NLT

Today God has flooded me with His goodness. On my Day 21, when I was feeling like walking away from this blog for a while, two people came up to me, one I knew and one that I'd never met, and told me they had been blessed by my blog. Then I cam home and had a couple of Facebook message and a comment from others who God had really touched during this Daniel Fast. It was just such a blessing to hear that God is stirring others so much because, like I said yesterday, I'm diving in and want my friends to jump off the deep end with me. :) I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will make it a point to really start telling everyone about the wonderful things He does. 

Day Twenty-one: I'm divin' in...

The man brought me back to the entrance of the temple, and I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple...
As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. 
He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. 
He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. 
He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in—a river that no one could cross. 
He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?" 

We've made a big commitment to start off your year. Many of us have already accomplished things we've never attempted before. Some of us have come closer to God than we ever have before. But God is whispering. He's beckoning us to follow Him deeper still.

Ezekiel lived in the same time Daniel did, but his prophecies were from a different perspective. He saw the doom and gloom back in Jerusalem. He saw the vacant Temple. But in the last part of his book God showed Him a vision of a new Temple. One restored to a more glorious state than ever before. And the Glory of the Spirit of God was gushing from it like an unstoppable river.

No matter how deep you think you are now, let's all wade in deeper. Don't worry about what's going to get wet. Don't stop at the point where you can keep your feet underneath you. Get swept away. What are you holding on to? What are your hesitations to living a Spirit-led life of faith in 2010? What illusion of control are you clinging to? Money, possessions, family, comfort, convenience, food, career, each of us can add our hang-up to the list. But I'm done. I want to go all in. And I want my friends in with me. So let's just dive in.

Day Twenty: Fast or Feast

So how many of you have considered extending your fast? Come on, I know some of you have! I've talked to my friend John about doing 36.5 days and tithing the year. Of course I talked about that last year and I ended up saying that I was going to just do the first three days each month and accomplish the same thing. I'm pretty sure I only made it to March. :) In Zechariah 7, the people are wondering if they should continue the fasting calendar they had kept and the Lord answers through Zechariah.

"...when you fasted and mourned in the summer and in early autumn, was it really for me that you were fasting? And even now in your holy festivals, aren’t you eating and drinking just to please yourselves?..."

Since Moses' time, God instituted a whole calendar of fasts and feasts. Both were designed to draw His people closer to Him. Get that? If you make seeking God and drawing closer to Him your goal for every day, both this time of fasting, and the feasting that may come in the upcoming days, can both be holy to the Lord. I want all of us to really seek out how this time has changed your relationship with God (and with food and other relationships). But then I want us to consider the ways that our times of feasting (not gluttony, but joyful appreciation of God's blessings) can draw us towards Him too. Here's another way I hope we're changed.

"Judge fairly, and show mercy and kindness to one another. Do not oppress widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor. And do not scheme against each other."

Can we do this part too? Can we refocus our lives and hearts to pour ourselves out for them. Can we bring His mercy and kindness to the poor?

I love the way this fast has affected us, but I'd love the change to continue. I see no scriptural evidence that God has called us to fast every day. Jesus didn't do it, and God commanded feasts. So I have to believe that God is just excited about His love for us the day after your fast as today. When we wake up each day with a renewed focus on God and spreading His love, we can spend the rest of this year falling more in love with God each day, fast or feast.


Today I will pray that we will all take time to allow God to speak to us about our fasting experience and reflect on the ways it has influenced how we live.

Day Nineteen: Read Joel 2

Can you get the mental picture Joel is drawing? Like the ants in the newest Indiana Jones, like the orcs in LOTR, like the rugrats in my living room? OK that last one only feels like it sometimes. :) The power of the advancing army of the Lord is rushing across our planet. When I see the church rising up around Haiti, I see a giant that can not only relieve the suffering there but keep right on marching and relieve it everywhere. 


Did you ever do this in the wave pool? Instead of bobbing over each wave, you turn around and ride it into the shore. So will you turn and join the advancing army or let it sweep past you?

That is why the Lord says, "Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. Who knows? Perhaps he will give you a reprieve, sending you a blessing instead of this curse."

Tear your hearts instead. That just punches me int he gut. We've been fasting, but we can finish strong by making sure we are weeping and mourning and tearing our hearts wide open to allow His power and presence to sweep across the landscape of our lives. To lay ourselves bare before His mercy and compassion and unfailing love.

Jesus quoted Joel when He confirmed that the Day of the Lord had indeed come.

"...I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions. In those days I will pour out my Spirit even on servants—men and women alike. ...But everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved..."

We are still living in that Day. Pray and fast today seeking to be completely awash in His presence and power. Receive the outpouring of the Spirit into your life. Open your eyes to His dreams and visions. Tear your hearts wide open.