The Day After

So let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed lunch and dinner today. But let's also be clear that I paid for it (if you know what I mean!). I'm not exactly sick per se but my body just didn't know what hit it. It was also funny to come to the realization that although I missed the feeling of being full, I realized that honestly, it's not really a pleasant feeling.

Anyway, I'm going to continue with no sweets, no drinks but water and juice, and no meat. I consider that to be a pretty fair modernization of the fast Daniel did in chapter 10. I'm going through 37 days as a tithe of my year which a friend at work challenged me to do.

Thanks for the fun. Let's do it again sometime. Say, in 2011?

God is so good to me...

But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.
Psalm 73:28 NLT

Today God has flooded me with His goodness. On my Day 21, when I was feeling like walking away from this blog for a while, two people came up to me, one I knew and one that I'd never met, and told me they had been blessed by my blog. Then I cam home and had a couple of Facebook message and a comment from others who God had really touched during this Daniel Fast. It was just such a blessing to hear that God is stirring others so much because, like I said yesterday, I'm diving in and want my friends to jump off the deep end with me. :) I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will make it a point to really start telling everyone about the wonderful things He does. 

Day Twenty-one: I'm divin' in...

The man brought me back to the entrance of the temple, and I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple...
As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. 
He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. 
He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. 
He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in—a river that no one could cross. 
He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?" 

We've made a big commitment to start off your year. Many of us have already accomplished things we've never attempted before. Some of us have come closer to God than we ever have before. But God is whispering. He's beckoning us to follow Him deeper still.

Ezekiel lived in the same time Daniel did, but his prophecies were from a different perspective. He saw the doom and gloom back in Jerusalem. He saw the vacant Temple. But in the last part of his book God showed Him a vision of a new Temple. One restored to a more glorious state than ever before. And the Glory of the Spirit of God was gushing from it like an unstoppable river.

No matter how deep you think you are now, let's all wade in deeper. Don't worry about what's going to get wet. Don't stop at the point where you can keep your feet underneath you. Get swept away. What are you holding on to? What are your hesitations to living a Spirit-led life of faith in 2010? What illusion of control are you clinging to? Money, possessions, family, comfort, convenience, food, career, each of us can add our hang-up to the list. But I'm done. I want to go all in. And I want my friends in with me. So let's just dive in.

Day Twenty: Fast or Feast

So how many of you have considered extending your fast? Come on, I know some of you have! I've talked to my friend John about doing 36.5 days and tithing the year. Of course I talked about that last year and I ended up saying that I was going to just do the first three days each month and accomplish the same thing. I'm pretty sure I only made it to March. :) In Zechariah 7, the people are wondering if they should continue the fasting calendar they had kept and the Lord answers through Zechariah.

"...when you fasted and mourned in the summer and in early autumn, was it really for me that you were fasting? And even now in your holy festivals, aren’t you eating and drinking just to please yourselves?..."

Since Moses' time, God instituted a whole calendar of fasts and feasts. Both were designed to draw His people closer to Him. Get that? If you make seeking God and drawing closer to Him your goal for every day, both this time of fasting, and the feasting that may come in the upcoming days, can both be holy to the Lord. I want all of us to really seek out how this time has changed your relationship with God (and with food and other relationships). But then I want us to consider the ways that our times of feasting (not gluttony, but joyful appreciation of God's blessings) can draw us towards Him too. Here's another way I hope we're changed.

"Judge fairly, and show mercy and kindness to one another. Do not oppress widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor. And do not scheme against each other."

Can we do this part too? Can we refocus our lives and hearts to pour ourselves out for them. Can we bring His mercy and kindness to the poor?

I love the way this fast has affected us, but I'd love the change to continue. I see no scriptural evidence that God has called us to fast every day. Jesus didn't do it, and God commanded feasts. So I have to believe that God is just excited about His love for us the day after your fast as today. When we wake up each day with a renewed focus on God and spreading His love, we can spend the rest of this year falling more in love with God each day, fast or feast.


Today I will pray that we will all take time to allow God to speak to us about our fasting experience and reflect on the ways it has influenced how we live.

Day Nineteen: Read Joel 2

Can you get the mental picture Joel is drawing? Like the ants in the newest Indiana Jones, like the orcs in LOTR, like the rugrats in my living room? OK that last one only feels like it sometimes. :) The power of the advancing army of the Lord is rushing across our planet. When I see the church rising up around Haiti, I see a giant that can not only relieve the suffering there but keep right on marching and relieve it everywhere. 


Did you ever do this in the wave pool? Instead of bobbing over each wave, you turn around and ride it into the shore. So will you turn and join the advancing army or let it sweep past you?

That is why the Lord says, "Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. Who knows? Perhaps he will give you a reprieve, sending you a blessing instead of this curse."

Tear your hearts instead. That just punches me int he gut. We've been fasting, but we can finish strong by making sure we are weeping and mourning and tearing our hearts wide open to allow His power and presence to sweep across the landscape of our lives. To lay ourselves bare before His mercy and compassion and unfailing love.

Jesus quoted Joel when He confirmed that the Day of the Lord had indeed come.

"...I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions. In those days I will pour out my Spirit even on servants—men and women alike. ...But everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved..."

We are still living in that Day. Pray and fast today seeking to be completely awash in His presence and power. Receive the outpouring of the Spirit into your life. Open your eyes to His dreams and visions. Tear your hearts wide open.

Day Eighteen: So close, and yet so far away...

So I'm finally in the same work week that will be my 21 days. This has hands down been my most challenging day thus far. My foster kids saw their mom on Friday and the baby has cried a ton this weekend. Don't know if it's from the visit or because she doesn't feel good. I was also just really stressed out because of how much work I had to get done (which is hard to do when someone is crying). So the whole thing just digressed into a big crying  meltdown. Brannon verbalized exactly how I felt as we were trying to get all five into bed, "If there were ever a time when I was going to just go get a Braum's Mix, or two even, or a Candy Bar Sundae, this would be it."

Of course you've all probably heard the phrase comfort food, but it's revealing to see how much that's actually true. I think I would have been able to hold it together so much better today if I could have just eaten the spaghetti and meatballs I made for my kids. It really sounds stupid when you see it in black and white, but food has an inappropriate hold on my psyche. The relationship I have with it is out of order.

I think most people would be quick to dismiss food as being an idol. But when I really stop and look at how it has affected me over time, I think it would be hard to just sweep it under the rug. I wonder if any of you have come to any similar realizations. Is food's place in the ranking of importance in your life in the spot you want it to be?

Today, I will pray for you. But honestly, mostly I've been praying for me. Praying for emotional strength that I do not have. For the fruit of the Spirit to be evident in how I treat my family. For this fast to actually reach the status of worship plan and simple, even when that worship causes me to identify other things that I worship more than I realize.

Day Seventeen: Peculiar

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1 Peter 2:9-12


I learned this verse when I was a kid. In the version I learned it in, KJV, it uses the word peculiar. I like that word because it in our language, it also means weird. And like we've already established, fasting is weird. In this case though it means a possession. A people who belong to God alone. Don't you love being a part of a great big weird family that belongs to God? I've been amused by the complete randomness of the people who God has called to participate in this fast. We once were not a people, but now we are the people of God. So wonderful!


Another adjective for us that I like in this passage is holy. I think most people don't really have a good handle on what holy actually means. We usually use it in conjunction with Spirit or other mystical sounding things. But holy really just means set apart for a special purpose. For these 21 days, we have set ourselves apart for the special purpose of serving God by fasting. We have been hand-selected to worship Him in this way. I like to picture the word holy as that one flawless strawberry I choose to go on top of something as a garnish. 


But then think of your role as a priest too. The one who was chosen to go stand before God. To speak to Him and to devote his whole life to serving in God in His house. I'd like us to really meditate on what kind of priest God really wants us to be. Not just a 21 day a year priest, but one who keeps himself pure, devotes his full attention to serving God, and is called upon to be a mediator between God and those we love that are lost in sin. Our High Priest, Jesus Christ, has modeled for us how to serve God this selflessly.


Anyway, today I will pray that we stand together as one big family. Chosen to show the world who He is. Walking out of darkness into His marvelous light. As aliens and strangers in this world. Set apart for His special purpose.

Day Sixteen: less than a week to go...

Even though I only have less than a week to go, for some reason it seems to be getting harder not easier. I keep having thoughts like, "so what, just eat it." Or trying to mentally renegotiate the terms I set forth for myself at the beginning. Well, I'm not giving up. But I hope you guys know that having a big group of friends and making a public commitment online is just about the right level of accountability I require to be able to pull off a 21-day fast. :)

Anyway, I had a few great answered prayers just today. One, a friend of a friend who works for Compassion International was missing in the wreckage of a large hotel in Port au Prince. Miraculously, he was pulled from the rubble alive after three days with a French news crew on hand to record the miracle for his waiting family and friends! Also, today was our first visit with our foster girls' mom. It went better than we could have hoped for including permission from the case worker to allow us to supervise additional visits than the one per month they can schedule. That means that once a week we could get a chance to take her to church with us and she is eager to do it! Last, I got kudos from someone who is really hard to please! :)

Altogether, it has still been a rewarding experience. I'd love to hear some stories of other people's experience in the comments as we go through our last week. And don't worry, if you started later than me, I'd still love to hear your stories whenever it's YOUR day sixteen. :)

Day Fifteen: Haiti

Last week over 100,000+ people died tragically. Last week, not just this week. I'm not talking about earthquakes. Projections show that around 25,000 people die every day from simple to fix causes like starvation, lack of clean drinking water, easily curable or preventable diseases like malaria. I have really been reflecting on the horrible tragedy in Haiti and praying for the people who are suffering there. But more than that, I've been reflecting on our response.

When we are confronted with those kinds of graphic images and vivid descriptions on every channel we turn to, we are moved into action. Prayer, generosity, involvement, compassion. When it all happens at once in one place where we can write a one-time check, we're in. But the truth is Compassion International, Children's Hunger Fund, Doctors Without Borders, Samaritan's Purse, and countless other organizations were already there. Because there were people suffering in Haiti last week too.

What can we do to respond to the suffering and hurting and dying every day, not just when it makes the news? How can we feel the plight of the lost and broken world at times when there aren't natural disasters? Why do we insulate our lives from feeling their pain? Why do we change the channel when the commercials with starving orphan babies covered in flies come on? What can we do to rescue the 100,000+ people who are going to die without Jesus next week?

I'm going to be perfectly honest and tell you that as recently as about a year and a half ago, I didn't care about foreign missions and compassion efforts. I would tell you I did since it's not only the Christian thing to say but also the good American citizen thing to say. But if you did an audit of my life, there would be no evidence whatsoever. So, after reading the little book The Treasure Principle, I decided to lead my heart there by sending my money there. The gateway drug for us was sponsoring kids through Compassion. Next we started sponsoring a missionary that we knew personally. Then we tagged on a monthly offering to Children's Hunger Fund (that one mainly to honor the impact Francis Chan's church has made on our hearts). And guess what? Jesus was right. Our heart was where our treasure was. We started praying, writing letters, reading more, and getting involved in other ways. And now look at us. We're completely addicted and strung out on foster kids. :)

The deal is, you have to put a name and face on the cause. You can't sit at home with the curtains drawn and care. We have two little girls to look at every day that remind us. And photos of little Burkinabe children by our beds. That has us messed up in the best possible way.

Lord, I pray that You will mess us up real good. Take our hearts out and drag them all through the lives that are lost and broken. Break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Let us feel an urgency to rescue lost souls every day, not just when we see their faces on the news. Open our eyes to the plight of those around us who desperately need You.

Day Fourteen: Strangely Dim

Instead of writing about a chapter of the Bible or really even writing about fasting, I'd like to share the words of one of my very favorite hymns:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus 

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things on earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace

I don't know what things on earth are overshadowing you right now. Personal frustrations, illness, pain, broken relationships, loneliness, natural disasters where tens of thousands of lives are lost. The things of this world are heavy and horrible sometimes. But Jesus invites us to turn to Him. To look full into His face. Wouldn't you love those things that are weighing you down to fade away? Wouldn't you love for them to disappear? I don't know how it works in each case, but I have found this hymn to be true over and over in my life. If I turn away from the junk and turn toward Him, strangely, it does in fact grow dim.

I pray that you will focus fully on Him for these remaining days. I pray that you will see His unspeakably beautiful face. I pray that all the cares of this world that are pressing in on you or distracting you from following Him will fade away. That the light of His glory and grace will eclipse everything else.

Day Thirteen: The Mixed Bag of Outcomes

My friend Cathi wrote this today as an encouragement to the team she leads who are all fasting. I really thought she did a great job capturing the completely different experiences many people may be having with fasting. Even people who fast regularly get different outcomes each time so it should be expected. So without further ado, please read her thoughts:

One of the things I’m really sensing now, at the mid-point of this fast is the presence of the enemy and an increase in spiritual attack. Are you experiencing the same things? This is what Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, had to say:

As you enter this time of heightened spiritual devotion, be aware that Satan will do everything he can to pull you away from your prayer and Bible reading time. When you feel the enemy trying to discourage you, immediately go to God in prayer and ask Him to strengthen your resolve in the face of difficulties and temptations. The enemy makes you a target because he knows that fasting is the most powerful of all Christian disciplines and that God may have something very special to show you as you wait upon Him and seek His face. Satan does not want you to grow in your faith, and will do anything from making you hungry and grumpy to bringing up trouble in your family or at work to stop you. Make prayer your shield against such attacks.

My encouragement to you, if you’re experiencing this, is that you’re not alone! Remember to bring all your defenses to bear, and “put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.” http://read.ly/Eph6.10.NIV

Also, I know that some of you are learning great things during your fast, and God is showing himself to you in new and fantastic ways – praise God for that! But I also know that some of you probably aren’t having an earthshaking experience, and I wanted to encourage you as well:

A renewed closeness with God and a greater sensitivity to spiritual things are usually the results of a fast. Do not be disappointed if you do not have a "mountaintop experience," as some do. Many people who have successfully completed extended fasts tell of feeling a nearness to God that they have never before known, but others who have honestly sought His face report no particular outward results at all. For others, their fast was physically, emotionally, and spiritually grueling, but they knew they had been called by God to fast, and they completed the fast unto Him as an act of worship; God honored that commitment. 

My encouragement to you is to press into God even more, continue to practice your disciplines of prayer, worship, and time in scripture, and know that God is working in you, even if you don’t see it!

Day Twelve: So that just happened...

So I just had the weirdest afternoon. It would take a long time to accurately describe our first experience with juvenile court. We did however get to see our foster kids' mom for the first time and talk briefly to the man who is being paternity tested to be the younger one's dad (although we think he'll check out from his looks). We were able to give him a photo of his daughter. Seemed like maybe the only one he had ever had.

Lots of other things were bizarre about this experience too. Mainly just sitting in a room full of people who we would never in any other circumstance rub shoulders with. After all of the years of pondering and griping and theorizing about the issues that plague our country and other heady stuff, today I finally felt like I was in the game. Getting my hands dirty way up to the elbow. Feeling the deep pain of the possibility that our girls will leave us for a home far less than ideal. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

You know I think the whole experience reminds me of verse after verse of my favorite chapter in the Bible. I hope you will all take time to read it straight through. Then I pray that you won't just listen to it, but you will do what it says. There are lots of actionable steps in it, for me the obvious one has been the last verse. Here's how it reads in my favorite version:

In God's eyes, the purest form of putting worship into practice is caring for single parents and displaced kids in their distress--getting your hands good and dirty, but keeping your heart clean. James 1:27 KGV


Lord, I pray that you will call all of us to get our hands dirty doing the work of worshiping You. I pray that in it all, we will keep our hearts pure. I pray that we will be a light in a dark world.

Day Eleven: The Halfway Point

How are you doing? I've gotten messages from some who are struggling and some who are thriving. Of course I have a range of friends who are doing everything from just eliminating caffeine to those who are doing a full water fast. The biggest struggle for me is carving out additional time to get alone with God and pray. I was talking to my neighbor Hilda about it and she told me that she has had fasts in the past where you do far fewer days and go away somewhere like a retreat or something. I think that would be amazing. But I wonder if I would think it was really amazing if I was there. I wonder that because I have a secret. I really don't like to pray. I don't do it near as often as I should.

I think it's easy to excuse my terrible mental discipline by just saying I've got too much going on to pray more. That if this were a 3-day retreat instead of a 21-day deal I would take it more seriously. I'm the kind of pray-er that struggles to keep my mind on track and not drifting off into lists or ideas or whatever else. So I've made a realization during this fast. For me, praying silently doesn't really count. I mean, I will continue to pray silently to the degree that I already did in my life. Throughout the day, in meetings, at my desk, cooking, showering, brushing my teeth, laying in bed, and little bits like that. But when I really want to set aside chunks of time and pray, I'm going to have to get out of earshot of everyone else and do it out loud. I'm going to have to take Jesus up on that thing about getting into the closet.

This probably sounds like a total no-brainer to most of you. Duh. Maybe I'm the only one who prays silently almost all the time. But it's become a cop out in my prayer life and I'm going to have to stop it. So starting in the morning (or maybe tonight before I go to sleep) I'm going to pray out loud for a while each day.

So I hope you're not disappointed in my lack of spirituality. I do try to make up for being a pitiful pray-er by being a kick-butt worshiper and Bible reading fiend and serving as often as I'm asked. But I don't think God is buying that anymore. I think He wants me to just talk. I know I don't let my husband off the hook that easy. :)

Today I will pray that all of us will take our prayer up a notch. I pray that all of us will come clean with the obstacles, even mental ones, that we have put int he way of approaching God. I pray that we will take advantage of the stunning awesome offer of getting to have a conversation with the Creator of the universe. I pray that we will set our lives apart for His service.

Day Ten: Fasting Is Weird

Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.

I heart Romans. You can just close your eyes and point to a verse and open them up and get a tail-kicking. So much good stuff jam-packed into one letter. This opening line to chapter 12 is a really great perspective on what we are choosing to do. Setting aside what our body wants and seeking to nourish our spirits. It's an act of worship.

But the next verse is a great too. This weekend, one of the things my pastor preached about was being weird. He said he was more worried when people said he seemed normal than when people think he's weird. Not being like everyone else is a good sign you are living a transformed life. And in Romans 12:2, Paul puts it better than I ever could. (He was inspired by God though. So he had that going for him. Which is nice.) Fasting for 21 days is weird. If it were just a diet, it would be completely normal. But it's not.

I pray that this is only the first in a very long list of things that you do this year that are weird. I pray that you turn your back on the patterns of this world and allow God to transform you from the inside out. I pray that you get hooked on this closeness with God you are sharing and don't allow it to drift away after 21 days are over.

Day Nine: Fearless Trust in God

In the NASB, a really great accurate translation for studying, Psalm 27 has the heading, A Psalm of Fearless Trust in God. How completely superbad is that? Fearless trust. Read it. The whole thing. It's written in the voice of someone with so much bold confidence, of one who is intimate with his Father.

I think a lot of us wish that we could live a life of fearless trust in God. But this psalm shows us the path to it. At my church, last week's message was called One Thing. Verse 4 was one of the places in the Bible that talks about one thing that was used in the message. Our pastor invited us all to seek God for what the one thing was we needed to focus on this year. And this, here in this verse is my one thing. And even though it straight up says "one thing," I think it's easy to miss. I think most people are going to find their one thing for sure, but to me, this psalm holds the key to THE one thing. To living a life of fearless trust in God.

In verse 8 David says, that the Lord invites us to seek His face. God doesn't just want a relationship with us where we always come to Him seeking something from Him. He wants us to seek Him. I'm not trying to contradict the very clear messages that God wants us to make our requests known to Him, to bring Him our burdens, to knock over and over, to cry out for help. But the one thing, the one thing above all, is to seek Him.

So often I think we seek His hand and not His face. As a loving Father, He must long for just the opposite. David, in this very psalm, brought His needs to God. But in the midst of it all, from the bottom of his heart, what he most wanted was to be intimately close to God. And that single-minded, whole-hearted devotion brings about fearless trust. Because at the point that you lose all sight of anything but His face, you can begin to come to terms with that miraculous mystery of His sovereignty gift-wrapped in love that results in the One Thing that is worthy of fearless trust. The One who made you.

Picture this. Imagine approaching a king intending to kiss Him on the hand. Now picture approaching a Father intending to kiss Him on the face. How much closer do you get? Close enough that He then wraps His arms around you and you get His hands too. With the hand, you kneel and take a position of unworthiness to beg for favor. With the face, you know you're welcome to come. You know you have access like that. You know He has granted you His favor.

Our God is both our King and our Father. He is capable of fabulously and overwhelmingly meeting our needs and answering our prayers. But He also loves us more deeply than we can ever really know. He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to know Him. He wants us to seek His face.

Father, I pray that You will beckon each of us during this fast to seek Your face. I pray that those of us who come to you will see you. I pray that we will have confidence that we will see Your goodness in the land of the living, not just when we truly see You face to face on that day. I thank You for hearing us, from never hiding Your face from us. Let us come to You with a fearless trust. Let us seek Your face and not just Your hand.

Day Eight: Getting Weary Yet?

Today I got to see a big group of friends who are all fasting together. It was cool to see how they were doing all different kinds of fasts but the common thing was that they all seemed very encouraged spiritually. I hope you're all having a positive experience so far. You're more than a third through today! 


It's honestly not that hard during a work day because I stay so busy that I don't worry about food. But today, my husband was badgering his friends on Twitter and Facebook by posting things about cheeseburgers and tacos and shakes and stuff. Great. Now I'm doing it too! Sorry. I'm not looking forward to the weekend because then I'm feeding my kids meals and snacks. It's really stupid how good a frozen pizza looks when you know good and well it tastes like cardboard on a normal day. Tonight my mother-in-las graciously made two different dinners for our family gathering: one that the kids would eat and one that was fruit and veg only. I actually really liked eating squash. It really makes me admire my friends who are doing juice, liquids, or water only fasts though. 

I wonder how you are doing. I hope that if you have moments of weakness that you don't allow that to be an excuse for quitting altogether. Even if you slip up, you can still continue your fast for the rest of the time. 20 days out of a 21-day fast still ain't too shabby for a rookie. Using some of my quick teacher math from back in the day, you can actually mess up two days and still make an A- in my book. So hang in there. Get some help with creative food (or juice) options from others on the list on the Facebook event. But don't give up.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will eat a ham sandwich if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 KGV


Just kidding. I would like having my very own version of the Bible sometimes though, wouldn't you? Today I will pray for strength and resolve and faithfulness and clarity for all of you. I pray that this day will be a point of regathering your focus and really pressing in close to God. I pray that you will begin to see signs of a harvest in your life. 

Day Seven: Broken and Poured Out

Well for me, today will complete one week of my fast. And to be honest, I'm not really hungry all the time but more like empty. But recently I've been thinking that empty is how God really wants us. Let me show you what has led me to that conclusion and see if you end up in the same place.

A couple of months ago, I felt led to reread the accounts of Jesus’ last supper. Some Rob Bell quote I saw someone tweet about I think. In both Matthew’s and Mark’s versions, it lands in the same chapter as the woman anointing Jesus with perfume. This time when I read them, the parallels between her story and the last supper leaped off the pages.

The woman broke her jar and poured out all of her perfume. She poured out everything that was of value to her—both her past savings and her future earning potential. Breaking her jar effectively eliminated her option of being able to keep any for herself. Then or later. She gave everything she had—past, present, and future—to Him. Jesus said that people would remember her remarkable love forever.

Then at the last supper, those same words appeared again: He broke His body and poured out His blood for us. This time when I read Jesus saying, “Do this in remembrance of me,” I didn’t see him referring just to crackers and grape juice. I'm not trying to diminish the importance of communion, but that's not what it said to me this time. He was beckoning me to do what He was doing: to be broken and poured out. Go all in. Hold nothing in reserve. Completely relinquish control. That’s what would truly commemorate what Jesus did. Not cherishing a ritual, but being a memorial. To live my life broken and poured out.

I realized He’s been whispering this to me for some time. For years, my husband’s favorite verse has been from John 6. Jesus had just finished teaching, “Eat my flesh. Drink my blood. Live like I’m showing you.” Everyone left—except the Twelve. Verses 68-69 hold Peter’s profound response: “Where else would we go? You’re the Christ.”

So that’s it then. Although I’m still discovering what that looks like, now I have no other options. I must live broken and poured out. And I may be wrong, but I suspect that’s a calling that may apply to all of us.

What would “broken and poured out” look like in your life?

Day Six: 1 Chronicles 21

This is a bizarre little chapter. First of all, it starts with King David being led astray by satan. He asks his general to count all of the fighting men in his kingdom. Joab is repulsed. He knows that God is always the deciding factor in a victory, not the number of men. To him it was an obvious and serious sin. Seeking definite knowledge of the exact size of your power, your limits, your worth. Needing a tangible definition of your value. 

Man, we do this every day in all kinds of ways. We seek to know our exact limits: my credit limit, my square footage, my 401K balance, my Facebook friends, my salary, my weight, my reps, my distance, my (insert your number here). 

God's ban on doing a census begs a questions I have to ask of myself. Exactly how much have I insulated myself from simply trusting that I am reliant on an unlimited God? Why do I need to know the numbers? Why do I rate myself with them? If the Creator of the universe knows me by name, would any number of online friends ever eclipse that? If my Daddy owns this planet, would any dollar figure outweigh my inheritance? How can I measure myself outside of Him? Why do I ever even try?

Then the chapter takes the story up a notch. God sends a prophet with message of a multiple choice punishment for the sin. To me, this is just zany. Seriously, stop and read it now. I can't make it any weirder than it already reads. "David, choose punishment A, B, or C for choosing to measure your worth outside of me." David wisely asks God to choose for him. God picked C: a plague. 

Finally, it gets to the part of the story that really applies to you, me, and our fast. David goes to build an altar to make sacrifices to end the plague. A generous donor offers to give David the land, the materials, and even the animals to sacrifice. But David says something that I hope all of us can say each day of this fast. "I won't make a sacrifice to the Lord that costs me nothing."

Again today, I will build an altar and lay a sacrifice on it that I hope honors God. It will cost me my convenience, my comfort, and take some serious willpower and commitment. I'm glad I have my friends to worship God with me by fasting. Today I will pray that each one of you will build an altar and lay something on it that costs you something. I pray that all of us will turn away from trying to define ourselves outside of our relationship with our Father. 

Day Five: Matthew 6:5-18

Isn't fasting supposed to be a secret?

I had a long conversation with a friend last night who wondered why we were talking about fasting on Facebook and Twitter. "Aren't you supposed to not tell people?" she asked. Probably the second most famous mention of fasting in the Bible (after Jesus' 40-day water fast) is Jesus dissing the Pharisees about their public fasting. Go ahead and read it in context in Matthew 6. Jesus actually started this topic in verse 5 in regards to prayer so in some ways this is a bigger issue than talking about fasting. But yes, Jesus is clear that fasting is something we do for God, not to put on a holy show.

I guess I feel like when I talk to people in person and through social media I'm not trying to impress them. Not that I never do! :) But about this, I'm just seeking accountability and support and offering it to others. I also think the part about complaining or whining about it is a key point. Most of the people I have seen talk about it with a friend are excited about it and are sharing tips and asking questions, not lobbying for sympathy. At any rate, Jesus does warn us to make sure we are sharing for the right reasons. Not expecting a reward of pats on the back.

Another angle to this is that most fasts in the Bible were big corporate fasts, whole cities or nations. A king or other leader would call on everyone to fast together. Some instances even included livestock. So of course people knew about it! For many of us, this group fast will be a first step. You may feel led to fast regularly. I have a friend that fasts once a week and she never talks about it to anyone. The only reason I know she does it is that I'm around her enough to have put it together. To me, that's more the kind of situation Jesus is addressing in Matthew 6, trying to be holier than thou.

So like most things, the condition of your heart is the most important thing. When you're sharing your fasting experience with someone, ask yourself this: "Am I sharing this to encourage a fellow believer and get support? Or am I secretly hoping they will finally know what a great Christian I am?" Only two know the answer to those questions. You and God.

So before you tweet or post or chat or however else you network with friends, think of your loving Father watching you. Not just listening to what you say, but knowing your thoughts and intentions. This habit really has nothing to do with fasting though. That's what I wish I would remember before every time I say something!

Today I will pray for you that God will shine His light into the darkest places of our hearts and show us any wrong motives we may be harboring. I ask Him to flood us with His power and presence and speak loud and clear to all of us that are seeking direction from Him. I pray that God will send the right people into our paths to share our fasting experience with.

Day Four: Matthew 5:3-10

A friend of mine commented on the 2010 Daniel Fast Facebook Event that verse 6 from this famous passage will be her focus verse for these three weeks. This little section of Jesus' teaching, the Sermon on the Mount, is called the Beatitudes. This comes from a Latin word for blessed or happy, but when I was a kid, I thought it came from Be-Attitudes. You know, like the attitudes we needed to be. And still, I think that's pretty close too.

We just finished a series at my church called The Blessed Life. God has used it to shake up my son and the rest of our family too. We are living the more blessed life Pastor Craig talked about. It isn't easy. It's pushing me to the edge of myself. It takes a partner the caliber of my husband to pull it off. But it is an absolute rush like no other. I mean, I'd jump out of a plane or off a bridge in a flash (if it weren't for these kids I'm responsible for), but living the blessed life is far more rewarding and fulfilling and exhilarating than the best thrill ride I could imagine (which in my world is surely at Cedar Point, still on my bucket list).

But what it has cost is coming to terms with this verse. To live hungry and thirsty for righteousness. For justice. To passionately pursue a pure walk with God. To be filled, really filled. And for a long time I must have only thought with my head and not my heart that I believed these Beatitudes were true, but now, I can tell you from daring to try a couple of them, that they are so true. So truly blessed that it makes me consider betting my life that all of them are true.

Am I willing to be poor? And all that that entails?
What about mourning? Will I face that?
And being humble? I guess it's better than being humbled.
Hunger and thirst? Check physically, but how far will I go spiritually.
Merciful, pure, working for peace? Those things sound nice.
But what about persecuted? Do I really believe that the blessings on the other side of persecution are truly worth picking a fight with the darkness? I mean, the next two verses say I should be happy about it. But honestly I don't think I know anything at all about what real persecution is like.

In 2010, I want to be even more blessed. I've gotten a little taste of it and my soul craves more like my body craves a cheeseburger. Jesus told us who the blessed were and that's who I will have to be. Poor in spirit, mourning, humble, hungry and thirsty for justice and righteousness, merciful, pure, working for peace, and last but not least, persecuted.

I will pray today that all of you who are starting off your year getting hungry and thirsty physically will be captivated by a hunger and thirst to be more blessed by God than you've ever been. I will ask God that we will all experience His great blessing here on this earth by pursuing the kind of life described in the Beatitudes. I pray that as we realize our need for food that we will realize our very real need for Him.