Romans 6

I don't know, maybe I've written about this before, but a concept that I've thought a lot about is in this chapter. Paul talks a lot about killing your sinful self. Putting your flesh to death. And when I look back at my walk with Christ that's kind of how I would describe it.

One time, I was sitting in a conference next to my friend Scott and the speaker asked us to take a few minutes and talk to the person next to us and share our testimony. Well, to be honest, mine is a long story. I really don't recall a time in my childhood when I wasn't aware that God loved me and I loved Him back. I do have many memories though of being keenly aware of my sin. So instead of a testimony of some dramatic prayerful conversion, my story is more like Paul describes here. Serial suicide.

Time and time again I see God setting His sights on a target hiding deep within me. He stalks the victim and then finally puts it to death. Things like conceit, being judgmental, over-confidence in academic achievement (that one fought back tooth and nail), materialism, impatience, greed, apathy about poverty, rage, pride, and such a hideous list of others. Even seemingly harmless habits that He found distasteful like being hooked on TV shows, feeling the need to over-entertain when people came over, spending too loosely, or collecting things that collect dust. One after another God chose something in me that needed to die and then led me through a series of experiences, relationships, and other influences that brought it to light and choked it out.

That's my testimony. Serial suicide. Killing my old man again and again and again. Until all of me is gone and there's only room for Him. I'm far from done though. Because every time a piece of me dies, He turns His light to shine in another dark corner.

(By the way, Scott said, "Wow. That's pretty dark. You can't tell it that way, you know." Yeah, I know. But that's how I think of it anyway. And I've got Paul and this dark chapter to back me up.)