2 Corinthians 12

For most of my life in almost everything I endeavor to be a part of, I have tried to be as competent as possible. I love to learn and think and just be good at what I do. Because of that, it has been pointed out to me by many though, that I'm not really a learner in the truest sense. I don't want to get competent at something. I want to be competent at it. I don't like the clumsy process of being a novice or just the appearance of being dumb. Besides the obvious issue of pride that that points to, it also begs the observation that I would tend to rely on my own strengths instead of God's.

For the past six years in particular, since I've been creating programming for my church, I have worked very hard to break all of that in me. I don't want the writing or the curriculum or the ministry to reflect my own competencies or my own strengths. I want it to be God's. So according this wonderful passage where Paul tells us that God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses, I now find myself having to make myself as weak as possible.

This process has recently led me to try to just be as broken and poured out as possible at all times. If there is any left of me at all to draw from, I will use it as a crutch. I need to be empty. Completely weak. Because the way I see the math, if I can manage to get my strength level to 0% (like when you lose a guy in a video game) then that means I've made room for 100% of God's power to flow through me.

Think of it as a dam with a floodgate. The farther back you open the doors, the more water comes gushing through. I want to be wide open. With no gates or dam at all. I want the river of God's power and presence to run wild and splashy all through my life. I want to be able to boast in the Lord and never of me just like Paul.