Luke 14

Jesus throws down some hard stuff in this chapter. Putting yourself last. Inviting the ones who can't return the favor. And counting the cost. I am in the middle of many of those very tough places. Today at 10:30 am I will go to pick up two very battered little girls and try to help them feel welcome in our home.

Brannon and I have spent many hours counting the cost and even though I imagine it will still be a far more costly thing than we can imagine, we feel like we must go through with it anyway. I can't recall any other times in my life where I have done something this permanent. Even though we are just fostering and not adopting, it's permanent in the sense that we don't get to determine the end date and we have no way of even guessing how much and how long this will be.

I'm not going to lie, I feel really odd. I'm not scared. I have peace about it. But it's just such a huge patch of black emptiness in my future that I can't pencil in with my own plans. I just don't know how it will all turn out. It's kind of like free-falling in a way. Completely and blissfully out of control and in God's hands. I can't imagine any other way to live now though. I want to be His disciple and I see no other way but giving up everything I have (including control over my calendar) and jumping out into His arms.