Psalm 51

I pray sometimes for God to shine His light into the darkest places of me and point out my guilt and my flaws. I ask him to search my heart and mind for evil. Don't pray this unless you really mean it. God just called me out today. It was probably the most difficult few hours I've had in a long time.

Basically I had a huge chunk of my flesh ripped out. The surgery was hideous. There was no anesthetic. And the recovery will be long. And it will probably leave a scar. But that doesn't make me want it to stop. I want it all stripped away. I want to just rip the band aid off all at once.

This psalm is like a salve. Soothing and comforting me. Healing me.

I don't have more to write today. I'm just going to reread this psalm and go to sleep. Hopefully deeply for the first time in a while.